Belly Up Fantasy Sports has plenty of experts to help you make your team the best it can be. These guys work tirelessly to crunch numbers, evaluate matchups, and find data that will give you an edge. They also have an editor who dropped Chase Claypool this week. Before you look to the experts to get your lineup set, come check out the Taco Perspective from BUFS’ resident fantasy idiot.

Yeah, that’s right, I dropped Chase Claypool for Myles Gaskin this week. Then I played Mark Ingram over Gaskin. I had him in my flex thanks to Christopher Pinto but decided I should take a shot at playing Michael Thomas because, start your studs and all. I’m starting to think that MT decided early this year to hide out in some underground bunker from the virus and there is an imposter running around in his place. One of my Eskimo Brothers is on the Saints and said when he punched that teammate, he yelled out “That one’s for you, grandma! Mr. Busted Ankle!” If anyone has a lead on who the imposter might be, please inform us on Twitter. And maybe Interpol. The cops, not the shitty indie band.

My first overall pick might not be able to put his beautiful body to work on the field for another week, but at least I still get to see him put his beautiful mind to work on Twitter. I’m not sure I could properly enjoy and critique play on the field without insights like this:

Zeke run hard lol

— Michael Thomas (@Cantguardmike) September 20, 2020

Goodell Taco’s the Schedule

I got a weird video call from some drunk guy in a basement who looks like Jon Taffer from Bar Rescue got a facelift in Nicaragua. He wanted details on Taco Standard Time. He is finally trying to transition the NFL schedule to the superior time format. I gladly mumbled something to him. Not sure what, I was pretty busy eating Doritos. The NFL announced that they had moved around eight games for the season. He called back and asked me to read through and see if it all met the requirements, but like everyone else, by the time I got to the third game I had forgotten everything I had already read, so I just said “Sure.”

He fined me $15,000 for excessive celebration.

The Taco Perspective Hits Taco Standard Time

I decided that if a huge organization was going to move to TST, I should probably move the articles onto it, too. Just to keep it less confusing for you weird farmers, I was going to call it Taco Tuesdays since it’s coming out Tuesday morning for you. I drew some sweet homemade porn with Taco Tuesdays at the bottom for a logo. Then I got a Cease and Desist letter from some French company that said they held the copyright on Taco Tuesday, so I had to scrap it. I “dated” a French girl for about a year once, I’m pretty sure it translates to “The Bron.” I tried to call their CEO to see if I could offer him used condoms as payment for the rights, but apparently, he was busy doing some business stuff in Orlando this week.

The Taco Perspective: Winning Week 5

I do think I managed to pull off a win this week. One last good call from Pinto had me stick Mike Williams in last minute. I had been relying on Cole Beasley, the intelligent gym rat that he is. After the first half, Williams had already outscored Tyler Lockett. I tried to sell high on Lockett, I really did, but I got too high and sold Chris Carson instead. At least I DROPPED CHASE CLAYPOOL FOR MYLES GASKIN. Still, I wound up with a 27 point lead with only the Bills kicker to go for my opponent tonight. Assuming Joaquin Tapper doesn’t swap the schedule around again. Second win of the year baby! I didn’t even know you could get two of those in one year! Here’s hoping I get at least one more before the losers bracket starts.

Want more Taco next Tuesday? Follow me on Twitter @KyeP_Sports to see whenever I decide to write it. Need to get your pube ‘stache shaped up? Head over to Manscaped and use code BELLYUPFANTASY for 20% off your order. Shit, I just got suspended from NFL Network.