Belly Up Fantasy Sports has plenty of experts to help you make your team the best it can be. These guys work tirelessly to crunch numbers, evaluate matchups, and find data that will give you an edge. They also have an editor who picks Drew Brees second overall because he “has a feeling.” Sometimes it works. Everyone called him an idiot when he demanded some guy no one had really heard of named David Johnson in a trade, and then DJ ran him to a championship. Sometimes it doesn’t work (see: Brees, pick 2). Once you’ve got your lineup all squared away, come get the Taco perspective from BUFS’ resident fantasy idiot.

Football season has started. I could have sworn it was this week, but everyone (including Yahoo and my 0-2 record) says it’s been two weeks now. I drafted all the positions I was supposed to and held off on retired players for a change. Then again, is anyone ever really retired anymore? Rob Gronkowski is playing for some college team I think, there’s no way a professional football team wears those uniforms. I was pretty sure I saw Jay Cutler in a Detroit Lions uniform the other day, but it turned out it was just some homeless guy chain-smoking behind the grocery store trying to peddle a box a Fruit Roll-Ups he found in the dumpster. He just kept muttering “sumbitch ain’t even open.” Wait, maybe that was Cutler. I should’ve asked. He might have autographed a 40 for me.

Drafting from the Taco Perspective

I went with a New Orleans Saint with my first pick again this year, WR Michael Thomas. Seemed like a good idea at the time. Little did I know he had the curse of a ghost monkey on his ankle. It’s okay though because I went WR heavy in the draft. I also spent a fifth-round pick on Los Angeles Rams’ running back Cam Akers, because my other favorite running back is named Cam, too, so I thought it would be a good pick. I guess Sean McVay isn’t a big Newton fan though, because he never gives him the ball.

Start/Sit Decisions Week 2

Where did my gut picks go right? Well, I almost benched Kareem Hunt and his 23.10 points in half PPR for Allen Lazard this weekend, so that worked out I guess. Giving up on Daniel Jones for Matt Stafford panned out pretty well, too. Not so good: starting Mike Williams over…well anyone really. Not that I had a much better option on my roster (Christian Kirk and Lazard), but 2 points from a starter hurt. It wouldn’t have mattered anyway, I went up against Aaron Jones and Christian McCaffrey.

The league switched to FAAB this year, which I don’t really get. I mean, I understand the concept, but I thought we fought a war so that you couldn’t bid to own people anymore. Either way, I put $35 of the $100 on Mike Davis but lost him to the best team in the league for $41. I kicked the tires on trading for George Kittle to replace Hayden Hurst once he is healthy, but I think I’m going to stay pat for now. Mostly because no one in this league trades.

That’s all I’ve got for now. Time to fire up the sleep bong so I can get some rest before I continue working on my newest invention: the Man Pad. Heading to a game? Planning to eat three chili cheese dogs and drink watered-down $8 beers? Don’t forget to toss a Man Pad in your undies! Keeping your taint clean since yesterday when I thought of it.

Check Belly Up Fantasy Sports for actual fantasy advice that will help you win your league. Follow me on Twitter @KyeP_Sports to get notified the next time I show off the Taco perspective, and see if I can manage to win a game this year. Like to keep your penis beard trimmed to the shape of Abraham Lincoln’s face beard? Head over to Manscaped and use code BELLYUPFANTASY for 20% off your order and keep those pubes tight. Just make sure John Wilkes Booth isn’t hiding in your butthole.